Noelle is Mediocre for Both Kids and Adults
In Disney+’s Noelle, the titular character (Anna Kendrick) dreams of becoming the next Santa Claus, as his brother, Nick (Bill Hader), the successor to his father (Bryan Bendle) who passed away six months ago (so Santa isn’t immortal?!?!? BLASPHEMY!) doesn’t feel the “twinkle” and doesn’t really want to be Santa: he can’t tell naughty from nice, can’t speak EVERY SINGLE LANGUAGE, can’t ride a sleigh and go down the chimney properly. Noelle tells Nick to take the weekend off. He does that and the North Pole is now in panic mode as, for the first time in 2,000 years, Santa has disappeared. It’s up to Noelle and Elf Polly (Shirley MacLaine) to find Nick, as Santa is now being replaced by a tech-wizard Gabriel (Billy Eichner) who only thinks that there are 2,837 nice children in the world. Nick is in Phoenix, Arizona, teaching Christmas Yoga and, with the help of a private detective (Kingsley Ben-Adir), Noelle will try to convince Nick to return to the North Pole and become Santa…or will SHE become Santa? (Geeks+Gamers is RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEing as I wrote these lines and then will probably say “I don’t have any problem with women Santa, but…”)
Now you might think I spoiled the entire film, but the trailer that came out at D23 spoiled 98,5% of the movie for us so it really doesn’t matter at this point. The first 10 minutes, in which we see a young Noelle badly delivering lines of “forced diversity” is absolutely cringeworthy to watch, as the young child playing Noelle can’t act and delivers her lines poorly. The movie was off to a bad start. Then it picks up some steam as we see an Older Noelle, with the same childlike spirit as her younger self, but with a better actor. If you can get past the absolutely terrible (and terrifying, talk about TNT), barely finished and hackneyed CGI from horrible-looking reindeers (Snowcone traumatized me), fake-ass Puffins and horrible green-screen effects once Noelle rides Santa’s sleigh and the horrible forced christmas puns, Noelle is MEH (but watchable) at best. The funniest jokes in the film involve Billy Eichner’s Gabriel who believes an online delivery platform for the 2,837 nice children in the world can deliver presents, using the FALALA (Forensic Algorithm (For) Lateral Analysis (of) Latent Altruism) system, which prompts Santa’s Helpers to sing, joyfully, “Joy to the World, except for you, ’cause you forgot to floss”, as kids who don’t floss are considered naughty and will receive an electronic correspondence from Santa to tell them to do better next year. The world of Noelle is smaller than other films depicting the North Pole, like The Santa Clause trilogy that depicts the North Pole in a more gargantuan, epic way than Noelle’s. The North Pole feels as dull as the small-sized one in Elf, but, in that movie, there was a sense of camaraderie and authenticity. Noelle’s fake sets and horribly unfinished CGI can’t rival Elf’s authentic and old-fashioned sets, even with CGI.
The adult performances are great — Eichner is the funniest character, but Kendrick’s childlike innocence can also bring great jokes. I never got the [horrible] “Oh, my Garland” instead of saying “Oh, my God”, but, like the adage says, OK CHIEF. Bad puns are king in Noelle, but, again, if you can get past that (alongside its horrible cinematography and CGI), you may have a good time. It’s not guaranteed, but if you have christmas spirit, you may enjoy this. Hader is also very funny, though his character has limited screentime. We spend most of the movie with Kendrick’s Noelle, MacLaine’s Polly (who gives an OK performance) and Adir’s JACK, the private detective who has zero christmas spirit, after going through a divorce, until he meets Noelle. And those performances are fine. It’s always great to see Julie Hagerty, and she’s great too, so it works out! Even with a shoddy script, all of the actors manage to hold their own and deliver competent performances, even if the screen-time for the actors vary. Some of the jokes and comedic situations involving Noelle are laugh-out-loud hilarious, and there are some of them that just aren’t. It’s a mixed-bag of wonderful christmas cheer, and some of it is completely cringeworthy and embarassing to watch.
However, once Nick tells the Santa Guild (is that it?) that Noelle should become the new Santa Claus, the movie warms up and its message becomes more clear. For reactionnary conservatives, it might seem like Disney is pushing their SJW/anti white-male agenda, but for normal, sane, people, it’s going to be a great film to show kids who can imagine santa being anyone they want to be. Santa Claus shouldn’t be one person, or one entity. As long as you believe in Santa, IT (because it’s an IT) can be anyone whom you imagine! Noelle isn’t anything groundbreaking, by all means. It’s a highly-predictable holiday film solely destined for small children who still believe in Santa Claus (with a G-Rating, mind you!). Yes, it has terrible CGI, awful green screen effects and cheap cinematography (this was supposed to come out in theaters whaaaaaaaaat), but at its core is a very sweet and heartfelt story with genuine performances and a good-enough script for me to be kept entertained for 100 minutes. This is Disney+’s second effort in the world of feature filmmaking, and, you know what, it’s miles better than plenty of movies Netflix has dumped on their service, so there’s that. With a free trial, go ahead and watch it! Who knows, you might like it!
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